Big girls wear belts

You will have read that I had to take a belt to R recently.

By coincidence Bonnie hosted a discussion on the ritual of fetching spanking implements and Miss Betty made the observation -

"My very favorite, though, is using the boy's own belt, including making him take it off and place it in my outstretched waiting hand. That deliberate act of surrender tends to make them much more submissive."

Something with which I entirely agree. R has several belts which I've bought for him and it is always a real thrill for me to see him undo one and hand it over, and as Miss Betty says, it really heightens his anticipation having to supply the means of his forthcoming discomfort in this way.







But then it occurred to me, belts really do seem to be a guy thing.

I mean the image of the disciplinary husband is very much a belt wearing man who unbuckles his own growling "bend over young lady" or somesuch



And the Disciplinarian wife is very much cast as a Domestic Goddess in smart shoes, and a nice dress, whose weapon of choice is her Hairbrush and when a belt is needed, she will quite naturally ask the man of the house to provide his own.

This is certainly the traditional DD view which quite naturally influences our rituals even now.

Either way, men provide their own belts!!!.

And yet hipster jeans and wide belts have been de rigeur for years now. I wear jeans lots and have more belts tha R does and yet it would never occur to reach down to my waist and unbuckle when a good leathering is needed.

Well reverential as I am of hallowed DD traditions, it doesn't do to be hidebound (ooops, pun in there I think) so I've sent R off to buy me one, a new belt that is, a nice wide heavy one just like the ones I buy him. I could use one of my old belts, I have several that will do more than adequately, but each time he sees me wear it I want him to remember why he bought it and what it will be used for. I won't get the same effect with something already in the wardrobe.

Being sent out to choose your girlfriend a new belt that she can tan your bottom with, now that's being sent to fetch a spanking implement with a real twist isn't it ?

Better behave yourself sweetheart................ Hugs,

K

A good cause

Apparently the American Spanking Society has dubbed 3rd July Consensual Spanking Day described thus -

"Consensual Spanking Day is our chance as a community to stand together and put this thing we do in the positive light it deserves. It’s a chance for us all embrace and celebrate spanking… and it’s a good excuse to have some spanking fun!”

What a thoroughly good idea, I mean every other minority group these days seems entitled to their "Day", well why not us?

So, do your bit for a good cause. Spend a bit of time over the knee of someone you care about!!

R

Handwash only

"Its ruined"

"Pardon"

"I said its ruined"

K was holding up a t-shirt, one of those soft stretchy ones with long sleeves that are too long and which sort of flare out all drifty around the hands. I didn't look very soft or stretchy now, stiff as a board would be a better term and stretchy or not it looked like it would be a tight fit on a 6 year old.

"Its ruined."

K's voice was rising to near hysteria in the way only a death in the wardrobe can achieve. I was beginning to get the point.

With us both working we split household chores, we both cook, K changes light bulbs, deals with builders and mechanics, I do my share of the cleaning and shopping - no set rotas, its just whoever has time. Last week our cleaner had some time off and the laundry basket was beginning to back up so I'd run a few loads of washing just to be helpful. I'm good like that. It very much looked as if one of these loads had incurred a casualty.

"Its a T-shirt" I proffered unhelpfully.

" Its Nicole Fahri. It cost £90"

This was not looking good.

"Its still a T-shirt, you've got loads of them"

"It very clearly says HANDWASH ONLY"

"Ridiculous. Its a T-shirt, who hand washes them?."

"People who spend £90 at Nicole Fahri!"

"Well it shouldn't have been in the basket then. How am I supposed to know"

"The basket! You took this from the laundry basket"

"Yup. Right along with loads of others"

"So how come the hand wash bag is empty also?"

OK, so the system is simple, everything dirty goes in the basket except for K's delicate stuff, knickers, silk, cashmere, other handwash or dry clean items which goes into a separate linen bag. She usually empties this, sorts it and makes sure the expensive stuff stays away from the evil expensive lingerie destroying, silk ruining, cashmere shrinking washer and tumble dryer. Except sometimes she stuffs other things in the bag that don't need to be there. This time I'd been really thorough, in addition to the washing, I'd emptied the hand wash, sorted out a pile of dry cleaning and taken it to the cleaners, sorted the delicates for the cleaner to do next week and found three t-shirts that didn't belong there and tossed them back into general population. Except it now seemed on such T-shirt did belong there and the consequences had been disastrous.

It was beginning to dawn on me that my helpfulness as not going to be appreciated and I was likely to be in more hot water than the now shrunk t-shirt.

"Errr ......I emptied it and sorted it for you."

"Throwing my Fahri in with your gym kit tin the process?"

"Its a t-shirt" This was beginning to sound lame, I knew that.

"It was in the delicates bag, IT SAYS HANDWASH ONLY.......and its NOT just a FUCKING T-SHIRT!!!! "

K turned the shrunken shirt inside out and brandished the label at me. Interestingly this hadn't shrunk.

"Arrrrgh.......get up, go to the sofa, pants down and take your belt off."

The sofa in our living room has high rounded padded arms, if you bend over it the padded curve of the arm supports your hips perfectly, my legs dangle behind me, toes not quite touching the floor and my upper body is tilted down into the padded seat, my bottom pushed up high at about 2 o'clock.

The sofa is K's favorite or using the belt. The kitchen table is preferred for the Paddle of Bathbrush, these work best swung roundhouse and being wood don't give on impact so you (well me) need to bent in a position that allows some movement, hence bent over the kitchen table, legs straight, forearms flat on the table, back arched......or just touching my toes in the middle of the room. But the belt works best swung downwards and as it has enough give in, being flexible, K says it needs a position where my hips are supported and can't move. Stretched out on a bed is too flat, K like my bottom lifted, offered up, so after some experimenting around the house the end of the sofa is where I get sent for the belt.

I pulled my belt from the loops of my Jeans, its one of the ones K has bought for me, heavy English Bridle hide, dropped my jeans and bent forward over the armrest, wriggling forward until my feet were up off the floor and my soon to be leathered bottom pushed up. If I was lucky my shorts would stay on, the stretchy cotton was only thin, but every little helps, if I wasn't the heavy leather would scorch my bare bottom.

I laid the folded belt on the armrest beside me, grabbed a scatter cushion to rest my head in and waited.

K left me to sew for several minutes before coming in and taking up the belt.

"I know you were trying to be helpful, and if it had been in basket I wouldn't be doing this. But it wasn't, it was in with the hand wash so I'm going to have to spank you...........I really liked that shirt, I'm just so upset"

K sniffed,............upset, she was upset, I was about to get the belt over fucking Tshirt!!

There was a long pause.

"Right ............listen.........if its in the delicates bag, you need to check the labels OK"

K had clearly taken several deep breaths during the pause. She sounded almost calm now. A few minutes ago she'd been almost hyperventilating.

"OK, I'm sorry.........I was just........it....."

"If you know whats good for you don't say it was just a t-shirt. .......bottom up a bit more, and lose the cushion, if you've got something to say, I want to hear it."

Somewhere behind me there was a woosh as the doubled up belt swooped down. Followed by a loud CRACK, then an equally loud "OOWCH" The last bit was me. Still, my shorts were still on be grateful for small mercies. But there are some things women take personally. A assault on their wardrobes in one of them, so a small mercy it indeed was. My bottom was well roasted and throbbing when K eventually told me I could get up.

I stood up an immediately hitched up my jeans, rubbing my bottom and mumbling apologies at the same time. K stood back and observed, still holding the belt with the look of someone who has not quite finished.

She stretched the doubled belt out to its full length, then began to wind it around her hand leaving a tail of a foot or so hanging loose, which she extended towards me.

"HANDwash only"

Reluctantly I extended my right arm, palm up.

"Keep it out and hold it still until I finish please"

The Strap, which I usually get on my hands is several layers of stitched leather, much heavier than a single belt thickness. Leaving your hand in place after a smack with that is out of the question. K measured her distance, took the belt back behind her ear and brought it down smartly across my palm. The follow through carried it down, round and back up again and then down again in one continuous motion

SMACK.........SMACK........SMACK

I kept my hand out throughout the three as instructed, K's movement was so swift and fluid they seemed to land almost simultaneously. When she stepped back and indicated I could move my hand I shook it vigorously before looking at it, a hot red stripe lay across the palm.

"Other one now,.........."

SMACK.........SMACK........SMACK

"Hold them both out"

Two red palms were extended for inspection. Another round of three on each for an even 6 of the best was entirely on the cards, I was hoping not but resigned to the probability.

"OK, what do you look out for?"

"Handwash only"

"Got it?"

"Got it!"

And indeed I did, ..............get it that is!!.

R

The other woman

There is another woman in my life apart from K.

Her name is A and I'd be lost without her. We've been together for 10 years, since before I met K.

Like K, A also punishes me.

A is my beloved and much trusted PA.

She doesn't punish me in the quite same way K does, thank heavens, but in different subtle ways. Now don't get me wrong, I'm really very nice to work for, she has stayed with me for 10 years after all but I do have my off days and A is very effective at getting her own back.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I though you'd switched to Decaf"

"No, I though you'd made your own travel arrangements"

"Yes, they are due here in 5 minutes, copies of the presentation? There's one on your desk, no I don't remember you mentioning that you needed 10 extra"

You get the idea, wicked, subtle. Revenge for when I have an off-day.

At first when K showed up A was suspicious, she'd seen girlfriends come and go but once it seemed this was going some distance she lightened up a bit and she and K developed quite a rapport. Some days K speaks to A more than she does me.

This open channel of communication with A has had some unfortunate consequences over the years.

I can't quite remember what triggered it the first time now, obviously I was having a bad day or bad few days. When K checked in looking for me A updated her with something along the lines of "No, out of the office which is a relief, he's been like a bear with a sore head all week"

Well when I got home I had some explaining to do and Freddie helped K with certain amount of re-training in the treatment of co-workers.........bear with a sore head, well something else bare got sore as a result!

Since then A's unguarded disclosures to K about office goings-on have left me in hot water when I get home on a number of occasions. A of course doesn't know this but I do sometimes wonder if her indiscretion with K is calculated to make my life difficult, part of A's punishment. If only she knew.

K teases me sometimes that she will come clean and tell A the truth and tell A to send me home with a note if ever I'm difficult at work. That would appeal to A I expect.

So why this post now?

Well I had another bad at work yesterday................

R

Questions and answers - when K is bad

There are a few regular readers who K and/or I chat with with a bit by email. Mostly its just that, chat but recently Alyx asked what happens if K is bad. Now this is a question that several people have asked before and indeed its one of the vexed questions of all DD relationships, so we thought we'd share the question, and the answer...

[Alyx to me] -

How do people in DD relationships (which are usually top/bottom) handle it when a top makes a mistake? Well, that's a stupid question, because there is going to be a different answer for each relationship! Okay, what I'm asking is, how do YOU two handle it? What kinds of consequences are there when K makes a mistake, if any? And if you'd prefer not to answer, that's fine too. :)

[Me to Alyx] -

Its fair question you asked......and of course the answer is that she never is [ie bad].......

Well actually that is probably the first thing to say, that there is a lot written on the Taken in Hand, CDD types blogs about the status of the HOH, and how they have "the right to be wrong", about how the role of the HOH is to set rules and enforce them, not obey them, and about how DD relationships are about a clear structure in which there are no arguments, not about equality.

This is, by and large, garbage.

Well I think so, it implies a very unfair, one-sided arrangement which I would have little interest in participating in. I hasten to add, neither would K!!!!

As you say, the answer for most couples varies and it does depend on the personalities of each couple and what they are trying to get out of their relationship. Consequently, for some switching will work, for others it won't but they will find other compromises and for some the CDD model of absolute authority will be fine (uuuuck).

So, lets start with me. As you know I started out giving spankings, a Top (hate that word). So that means I would want to switch?

Well no actually. Its funny, it did occur to me when K and I started that what was sauce for the goose should also get poured onto the gander, but I very quickly found that I had absolutely no inclination to do that. The best I have been able to come up with for why is that my role, bent over with my pants down, was such a complete inversion of everything I'd assumed about myself that to make sense of it, to make it work, I had to embrace it totally, it wasn't something I could dip in and out of. I can still see myself giving spankings in the right circumstances or switching, it just never made sense with K.



And as for K, well there are several things to say. First I suppose is that there is an element of natural selection at work, I think DD relationships tend to get created out of the frustrations of one partner being more together, organized, self-disciplined, and the other one much less so. This certainly is us; K is not perfect, she just does much less wrong than I do.

Second, a DD relationship imposes an enormous burden of self discipline on the Top. To make it work, unless your partner is a doormat, you need to moral authority of being perfect (or as near as you can get). The rules we set are, to a degree, consensual but enforcing them is solely down to K. I will accept standing in the corner with a sore bottom or spending a sunny afternoon indoors writing lines as the consequences of misbehavior because I accept the rules of good behavior we have set and I trust K to administer them fairly. If she then goes off and does exactly the same thing, with impunity, that I have been punished for, that's not fair, its hypocritical and a betrayal of my trust. So, of course she doesn't. Its a huge responsibility, which I know K acknowledges. I don't think our DD is "extreme" by any means, but the spankings aren't pretend either. That Hairbrush stings and leaves marks!!. So I think the way K sees it is that if she is going to do that, and expect me to be prepared to take it, her own behavior has to be beyond reproach (well I don't think she thinks that, I know she does, because she told me when we talked about what to put in this email). So she has to be very self disciplined, which by her nature she is anyway............ which was my first point.

A sort of corollary of the last point is that if I'm naughty, I have an out. I get punished, and that settles it. Very clear and very final. Now that doesn't mean I misbehave more, far from it. It just means we both know what happens next. K doesn't have that certainty and structure, which means things can drag on unresolved, fester and become worse if we aren't careful. So its another incentive on her not to put us both in that position.

There is one last point to make. Once, one of the very few times K has really upset me (she made me look very silly in front of some of our friends, quite deliberately and unnecessarily) she came to me afterwards and offered me the Paddle. "Don't dish it out if you can't take it....." She began. It was a difficult conversation, she was wrong and knew I was hurt. Giving her some good hard swats would have been entirely justified retribution, which superficially I might have thought would have been satisfying, certainly she would have good reason to regret her meanness if I had. The Paddle isn't one of those things that can be a cross over between play, quasi-play and punishment. Its oak, its not a toy, it makes an impression. Choosing it, offering it to me and being prepared to go with whatever I decided was more than just a gesture.....OTK for a hand spanking would have been a gesture, sincere maybe, but still a gesture. The Paddle wasn't and it said all that needed to be about how she felt about what had happened. So I took the Paddle and put it away, and we made up in the conventional way.


The point is this, being paddled, or spanked or otherwise disciplined, whatever "works" for me. That is not quite the same as saying I enjoy it, its much more complicated, I am sure you understand that, and "works" is the best I can do for a description. It doesn't "work" for K, so if the roles had been reversed, paddling me would have been a constructive thing, a therapeutic release of my guilt, satisfying retribution for K, an equitable settling up on both sides.

But paddling K?.....well it doesn't "work" with her in the way it does with me so it would just be.......well ...... hitting..........and whats the point in that?

So, we don't switch.

But nobody is perfect and so what happens then?

Well pretty much the same things the rest of the world does, apologies help, getting spoiled, taken to my favorite restaurants, being cooked something nice, finding that a chore I was not looking forward to tackling has been done already........lighting candles and putting on nice underwear......it is, I maintain, very difficult to remain cross with a woman in black stockings!!

So, there we are...........

R

A little bit of PR....

I started this blog because I wanted to talk about our unusual domestic arrangement, DD. Not everyone's normality. It was supposed to be a bit like talking to yourself in the shower, comforting in its own right, even if (or maybe because) nobody hears you.

But to my surprise a number of people were listening and I regularly get 100 - 150 visits a day to my blog.. that was even more comforting too, know there were that many people out there interested in the same stuff.

Then two weeks ago Mike, who ruins the "Spanked Hubby" blog did a little write up on me.

The next day - 1800 visits!

Think about it, not everyone who went to Spanked Hubby would follow the link and not everyone who reads it would do so on a daily basis - so how many people does that mean there are out there interested in F/M DD ? More than I would have thought, and that's a nice feeling also.

Since Mike's write up I'm now getting 350+ visits a day. THANKS MIKE............. And if you are a new reader who found this from Spanked Hubby, welcome; hope you enjoy the blog.

And now its my turn to do the same for someone else.

Vivian writes "The Disciplined Feminist," a blog dealing with spanking and domestic discipline. Variant Books will soon be publishing the first-ever Disciplined Feminist e-book, "How to Get the Spanking You Want" Asking for It, Getting It & Making It Better." Its a complete guide for anyone who wants their partner to spank them and is particularly written for adults in domestic discipline relationships. Vivian has asked others in our "community" to spread the word, which I am happy to do.

For more information about the book go to

www.HowtoGetaSpanking.com.

or

www.TheDisciplinedFeminist.com

R

accident or not, its still a lot of money

I'm going to take over this little saga now.........this is K again.

If you have been reading recently you will know that R caused £1,000 damage to our car by putting the wrong petrol in it (unleaded instead of diesel). We also had a hefty towing bill and were stranded beside a motorway for an hour or so late at night.

There is no question that he is in trouble, the question is how much. By using different punishments, including non-smacking ones like lines, I usually feel that I have the ability to get the punishment just right for all sorts of misbehaviourr, but this one did cause some difficulty. You probably know that the top of my punishment hierarchy is a spanking with my hairbrush on his bare bottom. I don't chose to use this lightly, but some things will always mean the hairbrush, over-doing the alcohol and indulging in his compulsive habit of oogling other women are probably the two best examples. There are some very good reasons for this, first both represent deliberate choices he makes, both are things he has promised not to do and both are disrespectful to me.

Is the thing with the car on the same footing? Well £1,000 pounds is lot of money, and we did get home extremely late, and it was damm cold sitting out by the motorway. But it was an accident and it could have happened to anyone, as the tow truck driver confirmed, it actually happens to lots of people every week and you can't measure bad behaviour in simple monetary terms can you?. That's not what this is all about. But £1,000 is still a lot of money. I did therefore spend quite a bit of time over the last day or so mulling over what R's punishment should be.

So we got the car back yesterday and this morning I told him I wanted to discuss the garage bill with him this evening when he got home. I sat on the sofa and had R give me the bill, he stayed standing and I spent a good few minutes making him squirm. It wasn't that hard, he's been on tenterhooks for a few days now. I talked about how filling the car up was such a simple routine thing to do, that he'd done so many times before, that there should be no excuse for such carelessness, about all the things we could buy with £1,000. He (not unreasonably) made the point that it was an honest mistake that lots of people make but I finally told him he was still going to have to go over my knee for a thoroughly good spanking with his pants down. I imagine that he was expecting the hairbrush and I decided to keep the suspense a little bit longer so I sent him off to the kitchen to wait for me. Difficult decision but I went and got Freddie.

Once I got into the kitchen I told him to get across my knee with his bottom bared and watched while he scrambled his pants down, no doubt relieved at my choice of implement and anxious to get into position before I changed my mind. So, no hairbrush, but it was still a lot of money and R got his bottom soundly tanned. Nice and red and still a bit sore tomorrow I have no doubt.

Afterwards I sat him down at the kitchen table, pants still down, a prickly coir mat under his bottom and had him write out 150 lines -

"My car takes diesel, NOT unleaded petrol"

He's still downstairs doing them now. I think I got the punishment right.

What does everyone else think??

Love, K